every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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