I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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