Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
