Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
