he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
