I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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