I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
