He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
