It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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