vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
