my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
