the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
