Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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