I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
