Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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