these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
