just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
