ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
