this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
