We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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