Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
