He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
