just survived the first fart of the relationship.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize