A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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