His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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