strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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