Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
