I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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