So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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