could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
