You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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