So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
