I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
