I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
