you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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