I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize