She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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