drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
