how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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