"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i believe in u and ur pee
I see more hoeing in ur future
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