so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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