one two three fourrrrnication!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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