guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
