there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
honey bunches of taint.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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