So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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