When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
