Sponge bath it is.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
