Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
