I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
