Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
