I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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