I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize