Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
