I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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