Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
