He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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