peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize