You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
