He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
