My liver just broke up with me...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
