It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
