M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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