I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
