I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
