My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
