Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
