we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
