What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Couch. On fire.
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