So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
