3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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