in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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