Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
