kristin has been a bad kristin
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
