She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
