question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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