I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
