I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
