is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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