Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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