He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
im on a boat
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