Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
