If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize