we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
