you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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