why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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