my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
