foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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