Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
