There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
