How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
